I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
