wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
