So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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