What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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