Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
