we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You took a bar mat shot.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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