He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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