watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
