Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
