I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
