with your own penis?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
