Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
