So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
