I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
