i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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