I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
