I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
