That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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