i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
