Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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