It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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