Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
