mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
