She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
