Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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