she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
