I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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