I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
whose ass print is on the piano?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
There's even glitter on my cock...
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