Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
