if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
