Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
