That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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