We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
