Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
