First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
