i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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