Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
two words: eviction party
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
