we have officially lost it.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
