Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Your cock deserves a montage
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
