I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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