Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
