he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
