If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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