lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
