so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
