too bad you live with your parents still
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
