Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize