apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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