I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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