I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if only i could text you this smell
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize