Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
