um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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