come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
