Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
