Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
