woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize