My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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