I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
