I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
