White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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