im holly from the hills drunk
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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