We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
