coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize