I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i think i just lost a toe
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
