thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
