Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
