In the future we'll all be gay
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
