I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
