he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
