she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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