kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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