I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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