You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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