I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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